Don't underestimate the power of children's desire to please their parents, I read somewhere in a parenting book. For the past two years, that has been my key parenting tool. Now, a study claims to show that spanking children leads to mental illness. That is no surprise to me.
I've never been a big fan of spanking. A friend once casually announced that she takes a switch to her daughters if they don't do well in school. The girls shape up right quick, she said. I got the chills.
I've never been opposed to a good old fashioned swat on the butt from time to time. It just doesn't seem to be very effective. I also tried slapping Liam's hands. That's a waste, too.
Sometimes, I count to three. However, Liam's 2 years old, so he counts right along with me.
My husband and I endeavor to be consistent. When kids are tired, those aren't teaching moments. We don't waste discipline when putting them to bed. We just put them to bed.
Mostly, though, I use my tone of voice, repetition and follow through. A stern voice and The Look work wonders. For example, when I hear him cutting it up when he should be sleeping, I stomp my way upstairs. Then I dramatically push the door open until it slams something. Instead of putting my hands on the boy, I just stare him down. Silently.
Even more frightening to my son than getting yelled at by Mommy is not getting yelled at by Mommy. I stand, scowl and point. He bows his head, turns his eyes up and sheepishly crawls under the blankets.
Another example is when I hear him from the room below, I thump the walls and holler "go to bed, Liam!" He thinks I'm omniscient. It scares him straight.
When he needs a moment to regroup—and there are plenty of those times—I plop him down on his butt for a time out. He may throw a fit, but he doesn't get up until he's done.
Whenever I have tried spanking him, he has kept on doing the undesired action. It's as if he thrives on the negative attention, too. Every once in a while, he gets a swat to refocus his attention. It just doesn't seem to work out for this toddler. The swift sit accomplishes the same goal.
Instead, we tell him all day long what the expectation is. A lot of praise goes a long way. "Good job" is a lot more powerful than a belt. Then when Daddy comes home, we discuss all the good jobs the boy did throughout the day. The discussion layers in more praise. The simple acts of catching him doing good things is the best motivation for good behavior.
I've only had a couple years experience. I realize Liam will change, and my tactics will need to as well. I remember a lengthy public spanking as a 7-year-old. It was humiliating as well as painful. Children grow to hate people who deliver that style of punishment.
So as our children grow up, I will look for manual labor like painting the garage or moving bushes around the yard instead of beatings.
I'm not surprised that spanking is linked to mental illness. But spanking my children? That sounds nuts.
I watched my stepson's mom use "time outs" with him while I used good old fashioned spanking on my kids; well, guess who behaved themselves better. All it took was giving my kids "the look" and they knew they better knock off whatever it was they were doing; no words even needed. And neither one of my kids are mentally ill because of it; they're both adults now and one of them is a mother herself. There is a difference between spanking and abuse. As my kids got older I moved from spanking to grounding/taking away privledges.
I've known several families who have that "drink at home" stance and they were invariably republican/conservative, so branding it a "liberal" evil is ludicrous. I'm a liberal and I would never, ever condone such actions.
The vast majority of most people's experience with animals is through eating them, followed by using them as househould entertainment and/or manual labor. Curses. Now I'm reminded that I forgot to take those pork chops out of the freezer for dinner...
Yes I spanked my children--after a few in the begining all it took was the threat of it. I was never embarassed by their behavior and could take them any where! They are all sucessful, loving, well mannered adults. Nothing is wrong with a well placed swat on the back side.
As an adult, I understand that, but ask the little kid who doesn't when he/she see's a hand being raised.
I got spanked as a kid when told 3 times not to do something. I was also very much loved and cared for by my parents and I turned out just fine. I believe there needs to be consequences for acting dis-respectful and incentives or rewards for doing good. I have 2 boys that we raised on that philosophy 1 is a HS Junior - HONOR ROLL and the other is a in his 3rd year at Illinois Institute of Technology getting his degree in Mechanical Engineering, so they turned out very good as well. I have a relative who uses the time out methods and her kid is a spoiled BRAT. Now what really hit home after they turned 10/12 years old was taking "something away" (cell phone, PC, TV...) or grounding them , but you have to commit to the length of time. if say "phone's gone for a week" you give in and give it back to them after 3 or 4 days. otherwise they will know you really don't mean business and the next time they do something wrong, they know the consequences are real.
A parent who has established proper authority will never need to spank the child. Yes, after a hard days work, the restaint with the parent may not be there. This is the hard part about being a parent. My 7 year old daughter looks at a time out as the worse possible thing that could possibly happen to her, including ones that would be short lived. I have established my authority with her, as a parent, and she knows exactly what she could do to lose her liberty. Never have and will never need to spank my children. If this doesn't convince, read the latest studies on the long term harm spanking does to a child. It's time to stop this short term and lazy way of raising a child when there is a need for discipline and start giving some real guidance, where long term benefits for a child are a result.
So I am evidence that spanking works and doesn't make your kids hate you. I say go ahead and spank your kids, if you feel that the situation calls for it. If you have found a method that works for you without spanking, then go with that.. If you can amend the situation without spanking, then do that in stead. But spanking is a viable option that works.