Frankly, Ms. Brown, I'm udderly confused by these symptoms.

That's a very moooooving story Elsie, but you still need to roll over and spread 'em.

Do you want to be hamburgers or steaks?

I'm afraid you have Mad Human Disease

Medicare is not going to allow you to milk your stay with us any longer. Your chart says you are healed.

Sorry to report that the chocolate milk pump installation went wrong, you will be producing chocolate cowpies instead!

"The test results are in. Ironically, you're suffering from lactose intolerance."

Really Doc I cant have the SWINE FLU it must be MAD COW DISEASE!

It says here, Mrs. Evel Kownievel, that you were moon jumping???

Hello Mrs. Moocheese! Your request for a vegetarian diet has been approved.

"Lets see, you have profuse, painless diarrhea and are vomiting clear fluid, and are very dehydrated. I am pretty sure you are suffering from cow-lera."

"Yes, we made a mistake in surgery, but you really don't want to sue us for malpractice - remember, to err is human, but to forgive, bovine."

" The results are back, and I'm afraid it's moo-lignant."

you have come to the right hospital, we are not butchers here.

Well, the brown spots all over appear to be perfectly normal.

well Mr bull the sex change went as planned.

How you feeling today? You are looking rather "PATCHee"

IT SHOWS, GMO'S,GROWTH HORMONES AND ANTI-BIOTIC LEVELS, HIGH !
SO, EAT ONLY ORGANIC GREEN GRASSES OR ELSE ! Creel Leman

I'm afraid you ate too much Chik'n .

If I was you I would start praying...Are you a HOLYCOW?!!!

Once we remove the flank, the sirloin, the round, and the chuck I expect you will be on your way to a full and speedy rotisserie, I mean recovery.

It's got me baffled. I've never dealt with a phobia of cold, rough, chapped hands.

I'm sorry we don't accept your H-M-MOO insurance.

Sorry but Obama care doesn't cover your surgery

'So...I'm reading here that the lactation consultant just ran screaming from your room?"

It says here you're having problems with your Dairy-aire.

No more trying to jump over the moon!

I need to call in Dr. Hereford, Dr. Holstien and Dr. Gurnsey for a consultation. They said they would hoof it right over here.

Oh, excuse me. I wasn’t insulting you! I said you have an “udder failure”!

If you don't mind, , doctor, I'd like an"udder" opinion.
Ann Leisten
jokeru5@comcast.net

I am asking for your new HMO NOT YOUR NEW GMO. ;-)

In your case labor and delivery was a moooving experience!

Didn't I tell you stall rest, physical properties found hoof prints on the hospital lawn again!

Mr Sosa, I think we have a problem with your Human Growth Hormone!

Just because you are famous for being one the stars of the MOO and OINK Grocery Store commercials and ads,we did not pad your bill.

Did you jump over the moon again last night, there are more hoof marks on the roof!

What do you mean you don't think the plastic surgery was a success? I will steak my reputation on it!

I.B.P called about your missed "appointment"! They are dying to meat you.

I see you came in for udder augmentation.

Yes, it's true, you're pregnant. Now don't have a cow.

You gotta fever, and the only prescription, is more cowbell.

"Bessie, I've got bad news: Sour milk-cow blues."

Your blood tests are in. You are THE "Holy Cow" everyone always talks about!

I've never seen anything like this before - you have chicken pox.

Results in-
Your MOO is out of commission!!!

Don't worry Ms. Bovine, the chicken is fine and the car you bravely pushed it away from only grazed your brisket so you should be very tender...I mean, you might be sore for a little while.

I think we've identified the source of your mooo-d swings and upset stomachs.

The test results came back. It seems that you are lactose intolerant.

"But doctor, I can't possibly have mad cow disease... I'm a squirrel"

The pain should subside. I'll have the nurse give you some warm milk to help you sleep.

Mr. Cowler, all the blood tests came back negative. It seems you're suffering from a mooood disorder.

You're lactose intolerant. Might cause you to kick things. I'm releasing you and Mrs. O'Leary will pick you up.

Mrs. Obama your surgery was a success. I still say you should go back to the bangs.

Lee

Nursing your new baby does make you feel like a cow sometimes, doesn't it Mrs. McDonald.

Im affraid your insurance has run out but McDonalds & Burger King would like to move you to one of their facilities.

It's no TEAT to tell you this but your MOO-RI came back UDDERLY positive. Your HOCKs must come out. Please contact Moo-cross, Moo-shield for your upcoming BEEFectomy.

I am sorry Mrs. Calf, we will have to moove you to a new room.

Want to watch a moovie?

Why are moo questioning my diagnosis?

Haven't I treated you beefore?

W',re releasing you today, Mrs. Brown. Your insurance company claims you're milking it.

"We'll be rolling you down to surgery as soon as the orderly shows up with the Guernsey."

So you tripped and fell when your ran out of Morton's of Chicago when you saw the Batavia School Board and Administrators come in for dinner?

There will be greener pastures ahead.

"It's hay fever."

" Sorry, but my malpractice insurance won't allow me to perform a quadruple laparoscopic gastric banding."

"Well, we've determined that as long as you continue to engage in S & M, you will only be able to give out whipped cream."

Good news Joan Rivers.......Your surgury has made a huge improvement!

"Sorry, but there's nothing I can give you for your infection, Ma'm. Your chart here says you're on the strictly-no-GMO-or-antibiotics HMO."

Kristine Magnuson
(I was about to draw a cartoon with this same pun and a sickly cow when I found your contest and Chuck Ingwersen's cartoon by searching some key words. But I like Chuck's cartoon better than anything that I might have drawn.)